I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
