Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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