Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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