Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
