can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
