I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i think i just lost a toe
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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