I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
