idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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