What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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