I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
