It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
