Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
