My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
