I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize