i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
