just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize