why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
