census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
