I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
