So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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