I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
