whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
