i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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