Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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