Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
