Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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