i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
