I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
