Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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