I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
