He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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