Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
