it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
