Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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