I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
