So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
