i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
