dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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