I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How's work?
Spinning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
