I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
