The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
