you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worst night to have a conscience
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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