You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize