There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
