I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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