she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
