i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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