Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
