So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
