fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
