I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
