Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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