hotel room ftw
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just puked most of my soul out..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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