i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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