I puked a lego.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
