I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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