and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
