I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
