apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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