It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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