He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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