He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
