It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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