Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
