So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
