I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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