There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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