In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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