I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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