State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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