She announced her abortion via fbk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
