Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
