I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
