tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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