Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
