Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
