I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
